The Road of Life
Eugen Hong

The "ROAD" is very important. If we want to get to a certain place, we have to know which road to take. If we get on the wrong road, even though it is wide and easy, we will turn back as soon as possible. If we are so serious in our daily trips, should we not be even more serious with the road of life - which concerns our destiny?

Communism and the Cultural Revolution

Lu Xun, a well-known Chinese author, once said, "The trail is blazed by men." In other words, there is no predefined path in the world. Only when trod upon by many does a trail appear. At first, I was very proud of this great Chinese writer for making such a brave and confident statement. However, after careful consideration, I found it frightening. Having no predefined path presupposes the lack of absolute truth in the world. The path of truth is then defined merely by the hard work and struggles of men. How do people know if the path is the "right" one? It depends on the number of people walking on it! There is safety in numbers. Or is there?

When Karl Marx first began advocating Communism, he had few followers. He blazed a new trail that he called "Scientific Socialism." Marx quoted Dante in Das Kapital: "We have our own path to pursue, whatever others may say." Later on, many followed him. Communism became the established ideology of China. More and more people put their faith in it, singing to the popular tune of "Walking on the Broad Road." However, after the painful lesson of the failed Cultural Revolution, the reformers no longer talked about the "Broad Road." Instead, they told the people to "cross the river by feeling for the rocks." Obviously this was dangerous, since there might not always be rocks to hang on to. The lesson is clear: we cannot determine that a path is the road to success simply because many are on it. Communism did not point us to any path. Communism only brought us to a river - then asked us to cross it by feeling for the rocks!

When I was growing up, I was told, at one time, to study hard and master science; and at another time, to drop all studies for the sake of revolution. I was fanatical about the Cultural Revolution and went to the countryside for labor reform. I heeded the call of the Party to offer up my precious youth, and I lost it forever. I sensed the absurdity of it all. Realizing that the Cultural Revolution and Communism were never going to work, I encountered a deep ideological crisis. I spoke my mind and was publicly criticized. It did not resolve my inner doubts: people criticized me according to the current official creed -- a creed that could easily be reversed at a later time. I did not expect to regain my youth, but I was pained by the fact that my devotion had been exploited. What I once held so dear to my heart was rubbish, and in fact, worse than rubbish. It was a poisonous snake that I quickly shook off with great fright.

What was next for me? I did not want to waste one more day on a path with no meaning. I was determined to search for the true path. Later, China opened her door to the West, and I had access to some Western literature. I read the writings of the Austrian philosopher Karl Popper, which resolved a big question on my mind. He explained that Communism was not a science, since human society was far too complex for any one to predict or even trace the law of development of human history.

Science

Since Communism was not a science and no more than a superstition, I felt free to desert it. I now had strong faith in science, so I devoted my whole heart to it. In 1985, I came to the United States to study. I believed that if I could truly master science, I could understand the mysteries of life. I was naively impressed by the thick books I saw. I thought human beings were truly great for having accomplished so much scientific research and invention.

One day I was discussing a research topic with my dissertation committee chairman, a famous professor. I asked him a question and he told me that he did not have the answer. I was shocked. I admired him greatly. He had so many scientific publications that I could not even begin to read them all. But he did not have the answer to my question! I finally realized that science was nothing more than what a group of people do every day in a laboratory. As I studied more, I saw how little I really understood. Natural science can only explain the phenomena of the physical universe but it is value-neutral. For example, a neuro-scientist can tell us the structure of the brain; but he cannot offer a scientific basis for morality. I had long worshipped science as the ultimate "reason," but now its power vanished before my eyes.

Democracy

In addition to studying science, my other goal in going abroad was to learn about democracy. Chinese intellectuals long considered science and democracy the two treasures of Western civilization. In China, science had been held hostage by the ruling class, and democracy had been thrown out as the product of capitalism. I believed that the June 4th tragedy happened because China was not on the right path of democracy and science.

Therefore, I became very active in the Democracy for China movement. While in the U.S., I coordinated the June 4th seminar for the Philadelphia area and was a delegate representing the Federation of Chinese Students in America on a democracy study tour of Eastern Europe. I was extremely hopeful about life, for democracy had so much more to offer than the dictatorship of Communism. However, I would not embrace democracy simply because it was trendy and popular. The Cultural Revolution had taught me that I could not just follow the majority. I was searching for eternal value.

Could the scientific method prove the value of democracy? I had originally thought that things such as science, democracy, freedom, laws and human rights could all be linked together to form a path to eternal truth. At that time, I was still applying Marxist logic when I evaluated the system of democracy. As Marxism claimed to base its socialism on scientific grounds and called it "Scientific Socialism," I was trying to build a system of "Scientific Democracy." I reasoned that since science had proved that Marxism was not the truth and thereby freed me from its spell; science should also be able to prove that democracy was the truth.

However, through further exploration, I discovered that democracy did not point to the way of truth, but simply accepted all ways as true. Modern theories of democracy emphasized pluralism and choice; thus democracy intrinsically could not be locked into a value system for that would lead to dictatorship - exactly the thing democracy opposed! According to the existentialist philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre, the value of truth lies in its freedom, and freedom means choice. Whatever one does out of one's own free will, regardless of right or wrong, has value. This theory, however, did not work for me, for it meant I had no viable options to choose from. I had come to the end of my road. What I looked for in democracy was a way of life that I could follow with peace and a clear conscience, but I did not find it.

My future looked gray. Before I left China, I thought I could make significant achievements. But a Ph.D. was no longer as great as I thought it would be. Science was not that charming after all and certainly not worth spending my whole life on. Nothing in this world seemed worthwhile.

One night, I contemplated suicide. I used to think that people who committed suicide were foolish. But given the way I was feeling, not committing suicide seemed unnatural and cowardly. Suicide would have been a protest to the world and a declaration that I refused to keep travelling down a futile path. I wanted to pronounce the fact that the world really had no road. All paths led nowhere. Suicide would have been my last protest against the meaninglessness of this world. But I was afraid to do so.

I remembered my days on the farms during labor-reform. The living conditions in the countryside were primitive, and yet I was optimistic for I had hope. What a contrast to my outlook now. It was clear to me that wealth, fame and knowledge could not satisfy. The envy of others could not satisfy a heart filled with the deepest despair of a meaningless life.

As a last resort, I looked toward religion for truth. I used to despise religion, thinking it was the opium of the people, a narcotic for the powerless. A strong person certainly has no use for God or Buddha when he is marching down the road of life with his head up high. But I had lost the road, and I was willing to try religion. I attended an international Bible Study. Our first study was in the Book of Genesis. As I read, "God made man in His own image," I felt that the clouds were lifted from over my head. I suddenly understood why I took life so seriously, why I was so determined to live a meaningful life: because man has dignity.

Because of that dignity, man can not be satisfied by a life with no value. Was that why I'd had such a strong desire to leave China? I was hurt and angry that I had been labeled and punished for voicing some of my thoughts. I had wanted to protest the government's power to muzzle and deprive me of my sacred right as a human being.

From further studies, I found that the common basis of all theories of democracy was the assumption that God has given us the inalienable right to life and the free will to pursue happiness and truth. I was enlightened to find that the true basis of democracy was God's creation of man. Democracy was more than just "majority rule." The Cultural Revolution had the support of the majority and so did the rise of Hitler, but they were not democracies. Instead, democracy protected the rights of all people, those of the minority as well as the majority, those of even one individual because each person was intrinsically valuable.

Where did this intrinsic value come from? If humans were the product of evolution, it would not exist. Rather, our existence would be based entirely on random probability. We might as well think of ourselves as an intermediate product still being evolved. But if God existed, then He had intrinsic value and what He created would have intrinsic value. I realized our value was based on God.

I discovered greater truths in the ancient book of Genesis than in any other theories of the world. It changed my view of the Bible entirely. I now saw the Bible as a book of ancient wisdom and definitely worth careful study. I became very serious in my approach, determined to learn its truths well.

The people in the Bible study saw that I was actively studying the Bible. During one meeting, I was asked to pray in turn with a few other Christians. I had never prayed before because I thought it was utterly foolish. I was open to the teaching in the Bible that seemed good to me, just as I was open to any other good teaching. But talking into thin air was ridiculous. At that time, unfortunately, I had the highest academic degree in the group. I thought it was understandable that other people would want to pray, but not me. When it came my turn, I kept silent. They waited for a few minutes and then continued, bypassing me. When they finished, they looked at me with pity. This made me angry. They had always respected me because I often asked questions that they had never thought of before. This time they did not respect me when I said that time would be better spent studying the Bible, and prayers were superfluous. One of the Christians became quite emotional as she said to me, "We believe in God. He exists and He is among us right now." I thought she was beyond reason. So I told them that I would not go to their Bible study any more if they kept on being so unreasonable. That was my farewell to that Bible study group.

After this experience, I felt that I had a wider perspective on things. But my questions about life remained unresolved. Life was still painful and my inner struggles continued to rage on beyond my comprehension. Meanwhile, God was working on me in a wonderful way. He knew I always wanted to find the truth on my own: being a knight in search of the Truth, I would blaze all trails to find all truths. Some day I would compare them all and decide on my own which was the ultimate Truth. If I succeeded, I could brag about my foresight, spirit and courage. But God chose to meet me on another path.

Back in 1988, I was involved in the overseas students' protest against the persecution of Liu Binyan (Note: a journalist) and Fang Lizhi (Note: a physicist) by the Chinese government, which got my name on the government's "blacklist." Though my son was in China, it was too dangerous for me to return. So my sister living in Ottawa, Canada, helped me apply for immigration, even before the June 4th incident. When the time came for us to report, I was still working on my graduation dissertation and had to stay in the U.S. My wife, therefore, had to go first. Three problems weighed heavily upon her. First, she was scared by the prospect of living alone in a foreign country; second, she wanted to go to Vancouver where the weather was a lot warmer than in Ottawa; and third, she needed a job.

While she was facing such uncertainties, her elderly aunt from Sacramento visited us during Thanksgiving. She was a Christian at the age of 82, and she shared the Gospel with us. She loved the Lord very much and kept admonishing us to love Him too. She did not have much education and could not explain theology well, but she had many experiences of God through prayers. She kept on sharing these experiences and urging us to pray. My wife was afraid to tell her that we did not really believe in God. Still we were very moved by her.

My wife is a practical person. She objected to my involvement in Bible study and wanted me to be more practical. But now that she was faced with deep problems, a thought came to her mind: "You must pray." She had never learned about prayer or attended a Bible study. She was home alone at that time and was afraid, but she pulled the curtains and began to pray, "O God, I don't know if you really exist, but if you do, please help me find a job in Vancouver. Please let me have a job offer without an interview." She had already sent out many applications to Canada and was anxious about interviews. Later she received several responses. Some said they had no opening at the time and some wanted to talk to her in person first. There was only one phone call -- from Vancouver -- which offered her a position, asking her to respond in two weeks. No interview was required. Deep down in her heart, she knew this was the answer to her prayer. However, her coworkers all thought that it was because Canada had a desperate shortage of workers, and her new faith wavered.

After she arrived in Vancouver, people were surprised that she had been hired all the way from Philadelphia. They assumed that she had a very specialized skill for a very important job and were amazed to find that she was only a laboratory technician. Many laboratory technicians in Canada were unable to find jobs. The unemployment problem in Canada was much worse than that in the U.S. Furthermore, my wife had no formal education in the U.S. or the right experience for the job. Three months later, however, her six-month contract was extended long-term because of excellent job performance. She knew it was God who had kept her there, and she accepted the Lord in tears at an evangelistic meeting.

When she called to tell me of her conversion, I was surprised. I always felt that she was a person without vision. Since I considered myself a person with great vision, this had always been a source of conflict between us. She often criticized me for being unrealistic, and I often felt that she did not understand me. Faith in God had always been too impractical for her. How could she believe in God? I was shocked. Our marriage was actually at a crossroads. We had intended to go our separate ways after she moved to Vancouver. But that day she was so passionate on the phone, telling me how wonderful Vancouver was and asking me to join her. I was glad to see her change. I felt that our relationship was important enough that I should first join her and look for a job there before searching in the U.S. After I arrived, I got an offer from a university professor to help set up her new laboratory. I accepted gladly.

The Narrow Gate

I had little to do in my new job since most of the equipment had not yet arrived. It gave me plenty of time to seek the truth. I attended a local Bible study group and read many Christian books. I came to realize that the truth from God could not be found in the world. I also saw that my pride had hindered me from accepting His truth. God frustrates the wisdom of the proud. If a person comes to God in arrogance and demands to know the road of life, He will not answer. He will only instruct those who come in humility. In the past, I studied the Word of God because I thought it was superior to the wisdom of man. My life was never connected with God's life, because I was too proud to pray. This was still my hang-up. When I went to church with my wife, I would simply close my eyes and rest when others prayed.

One night, my heart was greatly moved, and I prayed for the first time. I did it in secret. Normally I am an eloquent speaker, but I was speechless in front of God. I felt that I was not qualified to speak before Him. But as I kept trying, the words flowed more and more freely. I was ashamed of myself for taking this long to come to Him. He had loved me and watched over me all this time, yet, instead of gladly receiving His gift right away, I had doubted His love for me. Finally, as I bowed my head in complete humility, I felt totally relaxed in His love. When I went to church the next time, I was a changed man. I enjoyed the worship as it led me to God. I was moved as we sang the hymns. The brothers and sisters also noticed my change, for God had finally opened my eyes to the path that leads to eternal life.

The Road of Life

I was once attracted by a saying, "Life is precious, because we can live only once. At the end of our lives, let us not regret because we have squandered away our years and let us not regret because we have accomplished nothing." However, if we believe that we came by evolution, then the value of our lives, however great, will vanish with the passing of the universe.

All the Chinese philosophies are dead ends. Buddhism does not show you the origin of human life. Confucianism does not teach you about the end of your life. Taoism does not even differentiate between life and death. Even at their best, each of these theories deals only with a fragment of human life. Only the Bible can tell you whence you came and where you will go. It tells about the creation of the universe and the origin of man. It tells us why the world is so filled with pain. Why can man not find the way to God? Because God Himself has to reveal it to us. Our God is omnipotent and omniscient. Without divine revelation, human minds can never understand Him. All the roads that we humans have trod are roads to death, for we are all sinners. Do not follow the crowd on the broad road of death. History has taught us well. Many "glorious" people movements, like the French Revolution and the Communist Revolution, led only to tragic failures.

The trail of life cannot be blazed by men. Actually, Jesus told us long ago: "...broad is the road that leads to destruction, ...and narrow the road that leads to life and only a few find it" (Matthew 7:13,14). Most people would rather take the broad road. We prefer to follow our sinful nature and indulge in our lusts and desires. Only the transforming work of the Gospel and the guiding Word of God will enable us to walk on the right path leading to eternal life. Jesus said, "I am the way and the truth and the life" (John 14:6). We have to first find Him, the way of life. How then do we walk on this path? God promises that His Word is "a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path" (Psalm 119:105). He leads us one step at a time to keep us close to Him in a trusting relationship. He does not intend to leave us to reach the end of the path on our own.

True satisfaction in life comes from God Himself. Our heart cannot rest until it rests in the arms of Christ. Why do men always search for eternity? Because God is eternal. Why do men always search for love? Because God is love. What is the source of our greatest pain? It is a severed relationship, and none more tragic than a severed relationship with God himself. This relationship was severed by our unbelief, starting with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. The healing of this relationship starts with our faith. It is our faith in God, not our good works, that restores us to God. Only when you open your heart to God can He begin to live in your life. Return to God's path and let Him bring you the ultimate satisfaction in life.